Xaviers v/s Andrews..

“So fast the years pass”….Is the statement that I have been uttering really often these past few days……
So true... So fast…Time runs and waits for none…Hold on to that moment, cherish it, enkindle it...cuz there isn’t going to be anything like that in the near future…The worst u say or the best…Nothing like it.
How I wish I could hold on to time and wish time turn back things... But life is such… do what u want to. Live the best...Cuz Ur today can never be your tomorrow...How often have I sat back and actually wondered if I would ever get to see and do all that I did yesterday. Will my tomorrow be the shadow of yesterday…Hmmm don’t know…..Miss my school days so much.U think ill ever go to school again in my red line uniform, with those two plated pony, sit on those same benches, meet the same folks I met then…..Hahahaa..U know the answer to it…I would never be able to experience that ever day...Hmmm Live today….
In my last year of college now at St.Andrews, Bandra.I really find it difficult to believe that I AM in the THIRD YEAR…TYBMM...Hahaha... and so do people around me. They go like “Ohh U in the TY..Mymymy” OR “Kitni Badi hogayi. hai..Bache kitne Jaldi Badee ho jaate hai” OR “U don’t look like a TY.”...HAHAHAH…wteva….I hate the latter..Cuz the end up saying I look really small and many of my other TY folks look elder to me and what not. Direct reference to my Height… Nways
Yup….Its the month of June now…a Board in October and the next one in March 2010..Done…Done…..God..IL be done with my college. A graduate I will be soon, in span of just few months……I’ve been thinking so much about my yesteryears. How I got into college….Came my SSC results, remember dad giving me a cell phone just before my SSC results could be announced. (Now the cell phone is my basic need along with my food, clothing and shelter..Lolz) then came the Final result day. So many calls on that cell, so many ppl asking me my results...Hahah...so many advices..Wt to do, where to go and what not…I was actually clueless about Wt College would be like. Though I have a sis whose 6 yrs elder to me, she didn’t share much about her college days at home.(N if u sit home for a single day, You can hear me yapping, gossiping so much about my college hours..Yeah is it Andrews. I have so much to cum back and share. But sis never did that) Remember.dad telling me St.Xavier’s is the best. Since sis studied there, and he had his music co-ordination recording work at sum studio in Xavier’s, he liked that place and suggested, I should go there. Mum felt traveling wouldn’t be al that pleasant, so better take a college next to home..Hhahaaa..Hillarious…But. I was all ready for it…no jokes…. (Thank God I aint there now. Mum would reach there, the time she realized lectures were over long ago n m still not home: winks:J
Running around for forms, form submission, Interviews, crazy encounters.Hmmm….Finally go in at ST. Xavier’s …The time that I had a total overlook of that place was during my admission time (Interview)……Freak it scared me totally. Made me so nervous and even skeptical about spending 5 yrs there (who knew I had to leave that place so soon)
Forget the BEAUTIFUL PLACE that it really is (Xavier’s is amazingly beautiful,the infrastructure, the chapel, the greenery around...God I have so much to talk about that place. I wish so much)...Nways...during that overlook that I am referring too…I landed up in the foyer for sum reason with my mum. I guess, it was that we were hungry and wanted to eat…GOD…and the sight of FEW people ther, shocked me…Me an innocent child u c, jus outta a Covenant school( to be precise GIRLS HIGH SCHOOL)…hahaa..N the sight of ladka and Ladki all sitting so coolly on one bench and eating and few sleeping on benches… (Yayay…no jokes...Cum to xaviers...ul be a witness to it…now and forever.).. I wondered then dint their Teachers tell them anything/ or don’t they have forgotten their basic manners at home?, Whose inside the so called CLASSROOM if so many were here. Is this the Recess time? And blab la… funny Na...But these thoughts did pop up in my mind. There were so many not pleasant thoughts in my mind…Would I ever fit in that place? There were so many colored hair chicks, with so many piercing and what not…I watched carefully…
I remember, coming home that day and just thinking of about shifting colleges... No ways... Me going there. All weirdoes’s in that so called ST.Xaviers…
Nways….Wteva were my thoughts and wteva my mum had to say about the distance, It all proved me wrong and true. I did spend two of my best years in Xavier’s….The best…Love Xaviers...Love everything about it…Sad..Im not there this moment...Hmmm….Nways...Andrews aint all that bad ( I did make a big big hype about it, and still keep doing it( It surely It nothing compared to Xaviers..Including the Girls Toilets...Yuck...Shame shame Andrews…Our toilets are like BMC toilters..Hahhaa…and are canteen.. M sure my folks know, that I referred to it as a “Tabela”.in my First year of Degree college...Nwys…Now it’s not that any more. Its called “café Ander’e’ and its nice...Hmm and so many things…whenever I thought about Xavier’s sitting in Andrews, never ever felt really great. Have so much of a vengeance for the fact that the bloody CET got cancelled during my year and admins were based on merit..Ya...Not guarantying I would still be there but still the fact remains the same. I missed Xavier’s, I still miss and will always miss. Dunnno Y...enjoyed every bit of my time there, Met the best of friends there, learnt the best of lessons there too..HAhahah...Actually I did. .Spent just two years. only two still will always feel attached there. The foyer,, the canteen, woods, The Terrace classrooms, LR21-22(my Jc classrooms), Malhar, security, Christmas carol singing, My cute crushes(::winks), the pink color Barbie toilets, the sandwich uncle outside and yeah…The superior family of which I was Baby inferior…loved it all..……….Each of these have beautiful memories attached to it…And rite…"Memories are the Best souvenirs" and I’ve carried my souviers along with me as I walk life’s jounerey…Love the friends I made there. Few were weird though. But stil..They made me smile, they thought me to be weird and unusual...Lifes fun that way... Scraps the monotony of life..
Now that I am in Andrews, I’ve had the best of times here also. But one thing I really dislike about myself is I’ve been a suck up for the last two years. Instead of enjoying moments there and admiring the little good I could se in that place, I always compared it to Xavier’s and cribbed about the fact life was better there. It was indeed beautiful here too. Met new friends, whom I owe a lot too, have my best buddy in my next classroom, and so many other things. The other day I met my really good frnd who I met when I was in my FY in Xavier’s and she was there till her SYBA and now is in Wilsons.I expected her to be sad and grumpy about the fact that she had to move outta Xavier’s for the last year. And to my surprise she was like She enjoyed the new place more than what she did in Xavier’s for the last 4years..Funny though. But she told me she dnt miss that place at all. Wow….I was so happy she wasn’t a bore like me..Hhehehe….Time passes so fast and outta college soon…Andrews also has been a beautiful experience .In a class of 61 students, in the start it was crappy, now it’s a better scene. A lot of groupism..BMM makes one that way…In the first year, I perceived so many as being wanna-be’s, yeah n few of them still continue to be. But they al my friends now, and I’ve enjoyed with them. Getting caught during lectures, and been thrown outta classroom (with few stupid remarks by profs-so many times), and so many other incidents. Wow…I don’t regret anything. At the end of the day, ive laughed about it and still continue to do..Hahaha…The dean of college looks like sum Booth to me. I always describe him as the Bhooth from Aahat-the horror show..Haha..I really get scared of him, and run away wen he’s around. This is all so much fun ya..And ive done a lot lot of Masti in college here…A lot…Wolf whistling in class and getting few boys caught,throwing paper balls and escaping and worst….Yeah take a lot of risk in doing al this..hehee
I have few months to go now. All I wanna do is make the best of wteva is to come. Study well, work hard, not crib anymore, enjoy each and every moment. I believe, I need to make the best of today to make my tommro beautiful. And ill do it…
Life is all about experiencing the best surprise and the worst tradegy…!!!

Somebodys child!!!

The Child I kept dreaming about

Done for the day, we walked out of college. Fooling around, giggling on our non- sensible jokes, and wolf whistling around.Ghossping about somebody and cribbing about why someone hasn’t come …Hmm……..Our everyday walk.
As we reached the college gate, we noticed a big crowd of college youth gathered around with heads bend watching something, chatting, talking….we wondered, what it was and what could it be.Yeah inquisitive birds that we are. We pushed our selves in the crowd and watched what the scene was. O.k. seller selling something….
A couple dressed in a Rajasthani wardrobe making chains of different colorful letters. A Creative technique. So many youth around. All of them demanding their chains to be made quick, this alphabet with this colour, this string with that word..heheh…The couple I am sure, made a good heavy business that afternnon. Even Shamu and Chrysel waited to get their name chain done. I wanted to make one too. But I realized Andy had already made one for me. She met us out as we were waiting and showed me that. She got it done a day back. How cool! Thanks Andy. I just waited and watched my other folk’s get their stuff done. Impressive it was.
On a large mat on the floor, colorful lettered beads around, colorful strings, a candle and something moe that I can’t recall.
The weather was hot and the number of people increased. I got out from that small gathering and walked ahead to wait for them in a place I could breath propely.As I jus walked few steps ahead something caught my eyes…A sight that I still think of this day. A creation I so felt attached too and just wanted to hold on too. Something amazed me about that little thing.
It was nothing but a baby. A baby boy. I guess who would be around 12-14 months old. Dressed in a red shirt, snort rolling down his cute little nose. Chubby and adorable he was…He sat there on the ground and I realized not only me but there were other students also waving to him and walking away. Somebody’s Child he was... Don’t know what happened to me, but I fell in love with that child. Something drew me real close to him. I wanted to hug him tight and actually get him home with me. Stood there and just watched him. He wasn’t alone there, he had his sister sitting just next to him and wondering who this mad lady was. Standing in front of him, I started making all those funny noises that one usually makes to capture the attention of a little child. Awww..But that child was extraordinarily brillainat..He smiled at me and kept smiling. His cheeks though not rosy red still so enchanting. I forgot about Shamu, Harshu, Chrysel all of them. Just felt very attached to that child. I asked that babys sister what would he eat. And she answered me saying Chocolate...Hmmm …chocolate. I was sure she spoke for herself and not for my little baby. But that little one had not a single tooth.Yeah he really dnt have…By now I was down, just about to be on bended knees and I noticed he dnt have any. .So I wondered…..I went across and got a pack of Parle biscuits and I handed it to the girl. I told her to break it into little pieces and feed it to him. I gave her the pack and she just kept it.. I kept on telling her to open it and start feeding him. She looked at him with that dirty look as if she wanted to tell me, U need not feed him, and get me something better than this pack of silly biscuits. I was getting so fried up. That child kept on looking at me. He smiled…He had the pack in his mouth now, was chewing on it. I wanted to get it out and open it up. But couldn’t do so. I was enjoying every minute of my encounter with that baby. Chubby and cute he was. A cherubic smile on his face. Not bothered of what life has in stored for him tomomro..Smiling and just capturing attention.
Finally, my folks got their chain done and they walked ahead. And they saw me with that little one. A he did capture their attentions too, but again for me this child wasn’t just another street kid I seen. He seemed to be something totally amazing and beautiful. They asked me to hurry up but I dnt want to leave him at all. Wanted to cuddle him in my arms and get him home.My little baby brother I would tell my ma... At the same time wanted to slap his sister for not feeding him. Selfish kid that I am. Clicked cute pictures of that baby making passers by wonder...Awwwww….Felt like putting him a black kajal on his forehead, cheeks, everytwhere...no evil eye to be cast on him. He was truly a wonderful creation.
We began our everyday walk to station. And I kept discussing that child, thinking about it. I reached home and he was still on my mind. I have no clue what was it that made me feel so attached to him. I dnt want to know it either. I was just too happy being around that child and watching him. I thought of him the nite I went to sleep and hoped to seem him the next day.
Morning came and we reached college.Nahh he wasn’t there and I made a mention of it to my folks. They say maybe in the afternoon. I hoped. Lectures ended and out we came...
My angel. My teddy. That child was there…..he was dressed in the same red shirt, no pants…awwww….Hamm…with a leaf in his hand that he chewed upon…
I stood there for sometime….I missed seeing him on the 1st day that he was there, when Andy got the chain done. I wondered where I was then. A 2nd day of my meet with that baby boy…..I stood the same place. I watched the same smile……

And walked away…

......

I wanna write soo much.....I know m the best wen it cums to Writing..Naah..Not a great writer...But the best wen it cums to expressing with words.....so much on ma mind..so much...Thoughts killing me..Just felt a lil better when i opned my diray a day back(9-06-2009) and scriblled in it..Oh the feelin was nice.Thts cuz it doesnt judge ya..doesnt comment...nothin..all it does is hears you..

Wil get this updated soon..very soon....Lots to tel...good and not so good.All i wanna say is- God make me strong....strong enuf to survive in this world..or m soon gonna perish..I surely will

Knock Knocking at my lonely door he came,
Struggled To open it, But alas was I saved in Vain,
Left me with a Chance this dreadful time,
But whisperd words that Things Might not be fine.

Thought about my meet day and Night,
Worries, tensions feeling me and i grinned,
Saw him Knock someone elses door,
Not as Lucky as me....the person had to go.

My knockin frnd did not part and tried ways,
Aware was I, for I heard them all say,
"It comes like a Thief in the night,
And sets Not you, But the rest in Fright"

Tried Hard, To not think of his unprepared call,
And Lived each day firm and tall,
Many encounters had i with him,
A friend and Foe now i seen.

Tired and weary, weak and sad felt I,
Waited for him to knock, with Joy I cried,
A true friend was He, heard My Plea,
And slept in peaceful slumber, a Everlasting dream

THE OTHER SIDE OF "ME"

I woke up this morning and realized I was unique and special in my own ways. Nope.I know that, but never paid any heed to to It. We do think alike...however not really alike. Some little things make a huge difference. People have known me for years, ages...seen me born, grow up as a child, enter my teens and now see me in Adolescence .But I assumed they know me well...But the truth is No they don't..Nor does any one know you well. Your something and someone that is different, unique and special with those hidden things that others fail to see or you fail to be them in the presence of a million, because thats the hidden side of Us...You, me and they..So many things go unseen and unheard.

Life is all bout moves and taking a move. Majority of times, life is about wearing a Mask. No offence,but as I walk down the lane, I so feel this is the truth.You don't want to be so, but your forced to be one.Outta the real person that we are, we tend to mask a lot of things from the world outside.Fake smiles, fake attitudes, fake courage, fake respect...and fake what not. So the entire fake mask takes over and then you have a fake ME...and this is when realization dawns and tells you this is NOT what you are..You are sum one totally different.A person who cares but is let down and pretends to not care, You smile but you hate to smile at that very someone.
Many a times we tend to hate ourselves not because for what we are but for what we try to be.The essence of Me is lost, Now its me trapped in something I am not....People want to value you for who you are and not what you are not.

Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.

Wanna be Understood and want to be ME....No masking, no being Artificial..
Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.

Judge me Not....please

U gotto accept me the way i AM man...U cal me names, u accuse me for things i dnt do and u fail to kno al of that u say..Words Kill..Mightier than a Sword.Its sad That U dont Understand me and worst when U dont wanna Know me.I gues i fail to kno u too...Wanna have conversations, fight, apologize and start the same.Am i to keep hearin al of those accusations whic u make on me??..Might b possible with others, Not with Me..Emotionally weak that I am....Aint I a human like u???cummom Imperfections make me Human...Correct them...U judge me..do u even kno me .?.u kno NO nothin about me and u assume.I guess we need to move on and grow with time and not keep going back to the past.The present is a Gift..Y cant you and me live it.May b u and me think different..U think What i certainly dont.And there arises the hot discussion.When u start to assume things i dont dream of Thinkin....N wow...U accept me to not react when U jus put the blame on me...Not dun..better u stay away..Cuz I aint U.....Might end up gettin verbal with you and give u things wht u may not deserve for having made me feel so miserable....
DOnt test my pateince....Dont u dare try killin me emotioanlly..Might end up in tears without u even knowin it...But wil surely hold a grudge against You....Pride u c..comes in my day..If i deserev to b hurt..i deserve a reason....I cant b hurt by you for No reason.May b the reason is petty for you, as i said ..i dont think the way you do...M a child..il b a child....
Accept me the way I am, N i wil do the same.Dont Judge me for al the littel U kno about Me....I am not the way u think me to Be...Correct my faults make me strong.Il be with You to kno your weakness, dont Feel hurt.I care, so i say.Wt v for each other.Frnds to let each other know that there is a reaosn to Survive and not hurt one.

FRIENDSHIP!!!!!!Hmm just had a really bad experince with a SOMEONE SO DEAR TO ME,A GOOD PAL who Wanted to end it all and just gave it to me in a way that Dat all dnt Seem right..Nope she dnt Misunderstand me or nything.She just felt a Little isolated for reasons m unawars of..She was a darling..N i stil love her.Was Unique in her own ways..I wonder what did i do to her that she quoted things like"I am asking you for forgivness and the other two also, I just want to end it all in NICE WAY"..wow..u think its a nice way of ending it up..Give me a Break Oh ya...N guess what...I had no tiffs with her and she makes this GOOD BLESSED decesion.She had isssues with My other frnds for sum personal reasons.But she thought of me as the same.They were not wrong in what they did, nor was she.But surely her move was....I so dint desereve that.I Miss her so m writing bout her...buhh m sure situations compeld her to do the same..Al day long, just thinkin....What was she doing with us for the last 3 years if she had to condemn us the way she did it yesterday.?God...I culdnt belive my ears..What was i hearin??was i hearin things that I SO did'nt expect to hear...ya may be thats why they seemed so bitter.Had the best time of my life with These three pals of mine whom I made friends with in St.Xaviers College during my Junior college..Life was soo beautiful and ya it does seem beauiful now when I think of them, thier presence in my life and soo..the Bestest things eva given to ME... But I am sure it wuldnt be the same ever again in relaity..for all that she said and all that she thinks bout us..about ME...She stil talks to me, oh ya hugged me few days back too.But wt hurts me Nothin same Like before...U, me, she n her..Nope...Not that people dont change..they certainy do...Everyting now seems to be soo FAKE to me about her..Its better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all..so apt, i think..... N now i wonder whic of them am i gonna last til the end with???yeah this question hits my mind every now n then ....
Well, To brief you with my Topic FRIENDSHIP, I would love to start with the story of three Nicest and bestest frineds ..It was Abigail, Sharon, Carol and Rachel.Abigail was the Kid of the group.A very lovable person, It was difficult to think she ever knew what Pride, Attitude or even Swears were.Just soo innocent.Sharon was girl who if you met for the First time would Judge her as being really very Rude and Crude and everything.The Worst on Exteriors the, Best at heart.Though there were times where one sufferd from Mood swings and rude behaviour, most of the moments were just so beautiful and happy..even the tiffs and Trials that the 4 of them together faced made taste Life and they did smile when they al thought of it later..hmm Carol was someone who carried pride and was very emotional by heart.. Getting angry for really silly reasons, was her biggest weakness.N Rachel was the most caring of al of the 4.Did not miss on doing nythin to end up petty fights and bring bac the same days...Wuld shed her tears to forgive and go long ways to to be a better person....N was sum1 who used her heart n not her mind most of the time..But this time it failed.And Rachel like usual did her very best to save this frndship, butt it dnt work.Ego clashes, personal biases, Judgemental attitudes...Ended the very existence of the 2 yr relationship..Not many tiffs did theyhave in their college yrs, But wen they did..they did try to understand each other and forget it.Sharon wuld not bend ways....Rachel wuld try to mend ways.And thus things went on...Accepting one buh not tellin her what she dnt like of her...Til the day when things blew outta proportion for the very reason that nobody actually let each other know their weaknees and just gave in to verbal praises....When finally a day came when the kid of the family culdnt take in any more cuz she felt she was putt down by the rest.Tht was not the case, that was what she thought.And thus came the Final end...N she decided to quit leavin the family in bits...cuz They missed her...N so did she..Buhh she nvr turned back to them, cuz she felt she had beedn hurt many a times and they failed to eva understand her way...sad.....but true..
It aint al that easy to mainatin relationships..it takes Patience and Understanding..Its better to not give in to many praises rather corrct someones faults and help them be a better person.The main reason WHY things didnt work......